Chats Massage the Elderly Soul
May 7, 2013
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Volunteers and an elderly woman chat happily. [news.xinhuanet.com] |
With the surge in the number of China's ageing population, helping senior citizens achieve spiritual happiness has become an important social activity.
Dongguang Community, Lishan Neighborhood Committee in the Lintong District of Xi'an, the capital city of northwest China's Shannxi Province, recently organized teams to provide conversation to attend to senior citizens' spiritual needs. It is a noteworthy campaign.
Talking to Empty Nesters
On the morning of April 5, Kang Qingling, one of the conversation team members, knocked on the door of senior citizen Liu Shuzhen, who lives in her neighborhood.
Every day, Kang visits Liu after she finishes her housework. After asking about Liu's health, Kang usually has a pleasant conversation with Liu.
"My husband passed away a few years ago. One of my two sons ran away and the other one died in an accident. I suddenly felt empty. I didn't go out, and always sat in my house doing nothing. My family I had devoted my whole life to collapsed all at once. No one needed me. Kang has been helping me mentally. Now I can face my later years with optimism," Liu said.
It was not easy for Kang to bond with Liu. At the beginning, Liu was unwilling to talk to anyone. She closeted herself in her house, tearfully looking at photos of her sons.
One day in the winter of 2012, Liu had a gas leak in her house and passed out before she could call for help. Luckily, her neighbor found her and sent her to hospital. The first question she asked when she woke up was if she would be able to walk again. She was scared if she was paralyzed she couldn't even ask someone for help if something happened to her in her home.
"Although living in the same community, we didn't know each other much at all. At first, I visited her several times every day. She didn't speak, so I just sat with her. In this way, she finally opened her heart to me and began to tell me about the grief she had been suffering from," Kang said.
Now, Kang and Liu are like family. They are familiar with each other's lives and discuss them all the time. "She is like my own daughter. I have a family now. It makes me feel at peace," Liu said.
Touching Them
Yao Ping, a community worker, is also one of the volunteer conversation team members. She had been trying very hard to help one of her neighbors, 58-year-old Wang Fengxia.
"She was adopted and slightly challenged mentally. Her adopted parents surrounded her with love when she was smaller. She married, but her husband passed away. She has a daughter that works in another city and never comes home. She has been supported by her parents all her life," one of the residents, Ms. Zhang, said.
Wang's father, 84, remarried five years ago and moved to another village with her new wife due to family conflict. Wang was left alone and her daily life became a problem.
"I want to help her, but how? How should I communicate with her father and daughter?" Yao considered. In order to convince the father to continue take care of Wang and for her daughter to come back and support her, Yao visited and talked to them over a hundred times to no avail.
Every day after work, Yao went to Wang's home, at first to take care of her meals, and then patiently trying to teach her life skills, which has now become a part of Yao's life.
Despite repeated persuasive entreaties, Wang's father still refused to take care of her. "I don't regret supporting her for her whole life. But I have my own life too. My wife's children once tried to stop us from marrying because of her. It is inappropriate for me to leave my wife now," he said in tears."
"He has been beating his brains out about his daughter. Wang fought with her stepmother all day long. It became unbearable ," Yao said.
Yao sent messages to and called Wang's daughter every day, trying to make contact with her. After repeated attempts, Wang's father and daughter finally decided after discussion that Wang would move in with her daughter.
"We might not be able to do great things. But we can do small things with great love," Yao wrote in a microblog.
Being Family
Zhang Liping is a well-known, warm-hearted person in the community. Her first husband passed away and her children are not around. Through other people's persuasion, she married again at the age of 77.
Her husband is not in good health and confined to bed most of the time, and she has to take care of him. Despite this situation, she remains cheerful and optimistic and often makes delicious meals for her neighbors.
She was not always like that. "When she was just married, she and the children of her husband often fought. She never told anyone about it and cried in private," volunteer Wu Qiufeng said, "Many elderly choose to remarry. Although it is a good thing for them to have some one to spend the rest of their lives with, there are also many problems. If not handled properly, they will affect the physical and mental health of the elderly."
Lu gave herself as an example, trying to get Zhang to understand that they and the young people just have different life habits and lives. "I talked to her about my conflicts with my mother over trivial matters. I told her how I felt about it. My original intention was just show my concern," Lu said.
"I finally have someone to talk to," Zhang says gratefully about Lu.
As her own children are not around, busy with their lives and work, Zhang didn't want to bother them with her troubles. More importantly, it might have triggered further conflict.
"I feel relieved after talking to these volunteers. Most of the time, I just want someone to listen to my complaints," Zhang said.
Recognized and Welcomed
"We have many senior citizens living in our community. Some of them help their adult children with their lives and children. But some are not convenient in terms of physical location. They feel lonely, especially the empty nesters," Xi Linping, the Dongguan Community Director, said.
She said volunteers of the conversation company team regularly visit these elderly people. They talk to them and help them with their chores.
Set up in 2011, the team members include community workers, party members living in the community, residents, and college students. There are more than 30 standing members and nearly 100 non-regular volunteers. They are recognized and welcomed by the residents. The numbers of the volunteers have been increasing and the community activity room has become their own regular place to chat.
The team members have bonded with the elderly residents as families do and they help them solve neighborhood disputes and bring about reconciliation in the event of conflict with in-laws..
"I visit them when I have time and see whether I can help them with something," volunteer Xiao Zhou said. Volunteers will report to the senior citizens community and social news so they feel connected.
Controversy
The team has generally been been creating a good effect, but some experts hold different views.
"The conversation team members are of different qualities. What if some of them take the opportunity to sell things to the people they visit? Or there might be other security risks," said Ms. Ma, who has been involved in community work.
"What about the elders' privacy? The volunteers might leak personal information without knowing," a teacher from the Northwestern University said.
Ms. Zhao, a psychologist, said the elderly who do have psychological problems will not be healed by conversation alone. "They need professional help."
She suggested gathering thorough information about the elderly in the community and choosing properly the elderly to chat with, in order to avoid working blindly.
"Currently, most of the team members are working with the female elderly. In fact, many male senior citizens also have spiritual needs. And surveys show men are the majority of the elderly patients with depression. For various reasons, men rarely take the initiative in opening their hearts to people. Volunteers can find new ways to connect to them,"Zhao said.
The Dongguan coversation company team is only one special case. To satisfy the needs of the huge elderly population, more people, especially professional social workers, need to join in this type of community activity. How to meet the spiritual needs of the elderly is a topic that our whole society is concerned about. More activities of similar types are needed to solve the issues.
(Source: news.xinhuanet.com/Translated and edited by womenofchina.cn)
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